I don't talk about how it is being away from home and my family very often. I never really thought about why, it is that I don't do it, until I spoke with my mother a couple of weeks ago. When you talk/write about how you are feeling then you have to think about how it is that your feeling, and it's a lot easier not to have to think about it. But, today I thought I would do just that. I've now gone ten months without seeing my family. I haven't looked them in the eye, I haven't got to see how my little sisters are growing up, I haven't pet my dog, or hugged my parents. I stay in good contact with my parents. I didn't speak to them for the first two months. It was easier that way, to severe the connection completely. We e-mailed occasionally. Then I started calling, and we talk on Sundays now. It's usually in the evening for me, and in the morning for them. On a daily basis I don't necessarily "miss" my family. But, there are times when I want someone who will hug me and tell me everything will be alright. That's what I miss the most. The physical aspect of family. In a host family there isn't much "touching." I think all of my host families have been fantastic, but there's still the aspect that I'm the an outsider. We don't hug, or sit on the couch together and they don't always understand my humor. The little daily things are what I miss and am looking forward to coming home too. I miss laughing in the kitchen with my sisters, or singing along to the radio with my mom, or watching my dad to a ridiculous dance while cooking breakfast. I miss petty fights and arguing too. Just as I get to that point of comfort where I might possibly be able to argue with a family then I switch families. I don't mean fight or anything, but a little daily arguing keeps you sane. When you're an exchange student you don't get that. Us exchange students joke about the "Rotary smile." For example,

Your host siblings are watching TV loudly while you're doing homework. What do you do?
- Rotary Smile

Someone insults your country and culture. What do you do?
- Rotary Smile

Your host family is horrible, but when people ask you how you're doing what do you do?
- You give that Rotary Smile and say everything is wonderful.

Any situation where you might have made a sarcastic comment or defended yourself, or just screamed you end up just giving that Rotary Smile. And it all builds up. Then you get with a group of exchange students and everyone complains. It's not that we have a bunch to complain about, but it's just we can't do it with any other people. You can never complain to your host families because they are the ones who were nice enough to invite you to their homes. You can't complain to your school friends because they get offended when you don't like something with their country. I think that's one of the reasons exchange students form really strong bonds. That and we are the only people who know EXACTLY what each other are going through.

This Friday I went to Bethany's, an exchange student from Iowa, birthday party. Her mother was visiting from the States as was another one of the American girls who was at the party. It was awesome to get to talk to a "mom figure." It seems other exchange student parents are much more affectionate to the other exchange students because they've been without their child for a long time and they know what we're going through. The moms are what inspired me to write this post. Seeing the other girls interact with their mothers reminded me how much I miss mine, and the rest of my family. It's still not one of those "homesickness" feelings. I'm enjoying myself here, and in all actuality I don't want to go home so soon, but at the same time I'm looking forward to getting to see my parents again, to hug them, and to tell them I love them.